The Curious Case of The Drunken Butler
by Sketchypheebs
Summary: Why is it that Ciel's attempts at entertaining himself always seem to end in disaster? Ciel, perhaps pushing the limits of his "perfect" butler will teach Ciel a lesson on the futility of sadism, as well as the price of chaperoning a potted servant through the streets of New York City. Our poor Earl could never have imagined the humiliation! Drunk!Sebby and modern set. oneshot


"Hello, and welcome! I would like to thank you all for coming tonight, and I can promise you a particularly interesting show! Now, I would like for all of you to please close your eyes and reflect. Do not discuss this with your neighbor if you please. Think-What is it that you would do if you lost everything that you loved without warning? If you spent a childhood in love and care, only to have it taken in the blink of an eye, when your childhood had barely even begun? Now, please open your eyes. I would like you to meet tonight's special guest, Earl Ciel Phantomhive!"

Ciel walked out onto the bright stage, making a feeble attempt at a smile as he proceeded to his seat, which was of a shiny, plastic-like substance that possessed a red color that was a bit too bright for the Earl's taste. The blinding light being reflected from the surface made it all the more irritating. 'Keep on smiling,' He thought to himself.

"Welcome Ciel, welcome! I cannot tell you how honored we are to have you with us!"

"Erm- it's no trouble at all thank you for having me." Ciel frowned on the inside. This only reminded him of the fact that he didn't particularly like thanking people for anything. Ciel had to take the host's hand in greeting. What was her name? Oh, of course this was miss Phoebe Willow. How could Ciel forget that ridiculous hair of hers? 'Goodness, what women will do for the camera,' He thought again. 'Doesn't it get heavy?'

Phoebe turned her head to give her audience a huge smile, which could either be seen as respectably enthusiastic or just right-out terrifying. How could someone get their teeth so white, and why would they wear eye-popping red rouge along with them? She almost looked as though her mouth glowed a florescent blue. How extraordinary.

"Well now Ciel, give us the latest news!" Another smile, and the audience contributed a chorus of giggles. Ciel wondered what exactly was so funny.

"Erm-" He started again. "Well, the recent weeks have been relatively uneventful as my family's company has been having quite steady sales, and so, -" He was cut off by a chortle from his host.

"Oh Ciel, what a bashful one you are!" She crossed her legs under her long and sparkly gown that was also bright red. Ciel tried his hardest not to roll his eyes, but was curious as to why exactly he would have any reason to be bashful. Without a response, Phoebe continued. "Well, don't just sit there, honey! How are things with you and 'Sebas-chan?' You cannot hide it now you know!" That earned a laugh.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I understand what you're asking." Phoebe sighed.

"We hear that the relationship between you and your esteemed butler is one that goes far deeper than meets the eye, is that not so?"

Ciel tensed at the words. What in the hell did she mean? He silently hoped that his secret had not been leaked. If the public knew of the contract, the Phantomhives would forever be disgraced and Ciel would surely be imprisoned. He decided to answer with another question in the hopes that he could learn more before risking his name.

"And what, my lady, would you believe is the case? Whether your beliefs are true or not, I would be delighted to hear you speculate."

This was when Ciel received an answer he did not expect. Perhaps it was because it did not come from Phoebe's red mouth, but from directly offstage. And the voice, well, that was simply too familiar for comfort. Why was the voice so slurred and slow?

"I'm here! S-sorry I'm late milord but I was a' feeling a little funny and-" The voice surrendered to a fit of giggles and hiccups. Before Ciel could screech an order to stay out of sight, none other than Sebastian Michaelis stumbled out onto the stage. His hair was messier than usual, and his tailcoat hung open and was missing its button! Needless to say, it was beyond unseemly for a servant of a Phantomhive to be in such a state, and the smell that wafted through the hall with the help of ceiling fans was almost sickeningly strong with overtones of Ethanol. It obviously wasn't any sort of red wine, and that was for certain.

"Oh, and who have we here?" Miss Willow still kept a smile plastered on her face, but it was quite clear that she was at the very least horrified that such a mess of a man had the audacity to show himself, and be seen broadcasted to thousands of people.

"Y-you know damn well who I am," he slurred. It was almost incomprehensible. "I am Sebastian bloody Michaelis, s'you can all jus' bow down to me! I'm gonna get his soul and you're not, so you can all suck it," He continued.

Ciel could only stare in horror. How could it all be over so quickly? Even with that enormous security team, Sebastian could not have been restrained in the basement of the bloody building. Ciel would never forgive himself for giving the order to drink. He had only thought it would be amusing, but to think that a demon couldn't even hold three shots of liqueur without flipping his lid was rather shameful. Phoebe had now stopped smiling, as even one as ignorant as she could see when a situation had gone out of her control. She had her head turned away from the audience who roared with laughter, whispering into a small microphone that had been hidden in her pile of teased and cemented hair. She must have been calling for security to escort the man out, but it was still too late to save poor Ciel's pride. All he could hope for now was that when he and Sebastian arrived back at their room at the Waldorf that the inebriated demon wouldn't be completely blacked out. If he were to fall asleep altogether, a smack that he was to receive wouldn't do much good.

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**Hey there! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I actually wrote this while at school out of boredom and... yeah I named the lady after myself. :P (my name is Phoebe) anyways, this is my first attempt at a crackfic so review and u get a hug! Love y'all!**


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